My keyboard is finished and I'm getting used to it. It feels so nice! I have to repaint the spacebar though because I scratched it like a doofus when I was putting the stabilizers in.
Went out for an impromtu dinner with my spouse today and I should've enjoyed it more but I just can't really enjoy anything right now. It's awful. Is this how life is going to be forever now? I keep trying to tell myself no matter how long it lasts, it won't last forever but that's not much comfort to be honest. I feel like I'm wasting my life, my time, my waking hours...I'll feel a little pull in the direction of something meaningful but it just never crescendos into enjoyment. I felt particularly burnt out today too which isn't fair to my job for not being shitty. I keep trying to find an excuse to call off; sometimes that's enough to help me avoid proper burnout but I'm afraid if I call off I won't get enough out of it and I'll just feel the urge to do it again in the near future. I do have PTO but I don't want to upset the team either. I probably won't; it wouldn't fix a damn thing.
All I want to do is sleep, but not in a depressed way. It's hard to explain. I feel stable and calm and not upset but yet all I want to do is sleep. It's closer to laziness than depression...? I don't think I'm particularly lazy so it's a strange feeling. It's like I can't get "refreshed" when I sleep so I just want to keep trying. My HP is replenished but not my MP. Even my boss commented that I look tired, which kinda offended me but he's not wrong.
It looks like the Epstein files are getting a lot of traction in the news. I don't forsee a damn thing happening from it so I can barely even care. It's a weird moment in American history. I mean the whole decade has been batshit but this is insane. I wish justice existed equally for everyone. More importantly, I wish people weren't awful in general.